I’ve often been asked how I got into yoga. By sharing, I hope yoga might be what helps you heal. I was introduced to Core Power and became instantly hooked. Physically at first, and then mentally, once I started to feel what was going on deeper inside of me. This internal awareness developed during a time when I was at the lowest I’ve ever been in my life, and it helped me through the difficulties that came by exposing the pain I had buried inside me for so long and were oblivious to.
Within months, my biological father, who shot and killed my mother, came back into my life; my adoptive family turned their back on me, I was unemployed and struggling financially to make it, I was alone (and during the holidays when it felt even more unbearable). I was extremely depressed, anxious, worried about the future, felt unloved, used substances as an escape, and longed to be with my biological mother. When I finally did get a job, I had a huge breakdown dealing with everything on my own, and I was put on short-term disability leave by my Doctor.
Yoga was the only thing that got me out of bed, the only thing that I looked forward to. It uprooted and forced me to feel the deep pain from my childhood and adulthood of abandonment, fear, sadness, confusion, lack of self-worth, and self-love, feeling like I wasn’t good enough for anyone to want. Feeling these heavy emotions I had been carrying around for years was overwhelming, but also addicting; as I so badly wanted to get better, stronger, and become more resilient to life.
Opening my body physically and doing the work became my drug to get me through the days. Slowly, I started feeling even more and realized I lived in a constant state of anxiety and worry as my breath was never full. The more I practiced deep breathing, the more I peeled back layers of hidden pain, and the more I felt. Tears would often brim my eyes during class, and the more this pain was released, the more I wanted to keep feeling and releasing; as I knew this would be the only way I’d ever get whole again, be ok being alone, and take care of myself. If you need healing, yoga is a lifelong path to acceptance, healing, and self-love.